Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Anniversary

Ten years. Ten long years since the last time you said, "Be good, girls." Who could have EVER thought that saying good-bye to you that Christmas would be the last time? I have always been grateful that, as always, the last thing I said to you was "I love you."

Burying you on President's Day weekend, on Mother's birthday (and no-one else seemed to even realize, which made me even more sad). Everyone so sick with the same virus. Eleanor refused to even come, she was 'so sick.' To her OWN FATHER'S FUNERAL.

The last time all of us 'girls' were together. Guess you would have liked that.

Spending the night with Grandmother so she wouldn't be alone. She seemed so lost, crying that you weren't there. And I have to agree-- it surely didn't look like you. And while that was actually comforting for me (it brought home the reality that you weren't here anymore-- that was just a shell that you no longer needed), it was heartbreaking for her.

Linda even came. Didn't know it until afterwards when I saw the guest registry, but at least she was there to say good-bye to you. I know neither of you understood their actions, and how much they hurt you. I hope you somehow can understand how hard it was for her....

Amazing Grace, Uncle Arthur's lovely speech. They made a tape of it for Grandmother... I wonder where it is now; I'm sure she never listened to it.

You may have been gone, but your presence and your spirit hung around for a few years. That was nice-- imagining you up there with Fluffy running around (she always loved you, and you loved her, too, although you'd never admit it! Any more than you'd admit to watching 'Days,' although you always made sure to be 'wandering' through the room when Grandmother and I were watching it!).

Even sadder than this weekend was the day Grandmother died.... you came to two of us in a dream, and you said good-bye. You'd been waiting for her; I knew it. You were together again, as you were meant to be.... but it was also a final good-bye, as both of us watched you walk away arm in arm.... and felt your presence disappear as your waiting was rewarded.... now it was time to move on.

We miss you. Your 'girls' think of you often and always try to 'be good.' Hoping you would be proud of us-- the closest thing to a father any of us ever had.

We love you, Grandaddy... miss you more than words can say... and will always have the wonderful memories you left us with.

Love,

Your Favorite Granddaughter ;)

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